


grief

by drqco



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coma, Five Stages of Grief, Kisses, Love, M/M, allenbert - Freeform, ay ay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-15 01:16:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10547564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drqco/pseuds/drqco
Summary: there are five stages of grief. denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.





	

_i. denial_

He runs into the hospital, head pounding and he really, really, can't think. He runs through the hall of the emergency department in hope to not find him. Cisco is trailing behind him. He passes a window and does a double take. He walks back and looks through. "No," he whispers. Cisco appears next to him. There was a doctor and some nurses surrounding him. They step back and Christ, he lets out a sob. 

Cisco rubs his back but nothing, _nothing_ can ever make him feel good at this moment. The doctor comes out and he rushes to him. "Sorry. Family only," the doctor says while not taking off the chart in his hand. He steps in front of him, blocking his way. "I'm his fiance!" he shouts. 

The doctor sighs and starts talking. "The crash's impact on him caused him to have many injuries. Some major, some minor. He's broken a few bones but we can fix those up. Here is the bad news. He's comatose," the doctor ends sadly. He motions them to the door. "Uh, just him," he says awkwardly to Cisco. "Okay." 

He stands next to the bed. He takes Julian's hand. "I don't believe it," he whisper sobs. Julian can't be gone, can he? The beep-beep of the heart monitor fills the silence in his mind. "He's gone," he whispers. Cisco taps on the glass. He shakes his head, as if he's saying, _he's not_. 

He drops his hand gently and leaves the room. He doesn't say anything to Cisco, he really can't. He walks out of the hospital, passing by people he doesn't know. 

He walks home, hoping he'd see Julian waiting there. 

That's what he promised.

 _ii. anger_

He throws the mug across the room. It hits the wall and it shatters before it hits the floor. He's pretty sure that was Julian's favorite mug. Their apartment has turned into a warzone. The table was flipped over and most of their picture frames were shattered. 

He flops onto his couch and rubs his hands over his face. He sighs, he just got the call from Cisco. He didn't answer it of course. 

"Hey Bar. Julian's getting better. I hope you're okay. Everyone is worried about you. I'll see you at the labs, I guess." 

"Damn it!" he shouts. Julian is supposed to be awake now, isn't he? He's supposed to be here, kissing him senseless. He isn't supposed to be in a damn hospital, barely breathing. Everytime he goes to see Julian, the only thing he says is, "Wake up! Just wake up, damn it!" 

He just wants him back. 

_iii. bargaining_

"Brain stimulation? Why can't we try that?" 

"Brain stimulation is in its early stages, Mr. Allen." 

The doctor finally escapes Barry's pestering and makes a turn around the corner. Barry gives up and walks back to Julian's room. He takes a seat at the white plastic chair and sighs. Caitlin comes in soon after, comforting Barry. "He'll be alright, Barry. He's healthy, there's no reason that he'll won't wake up." He lays his head next to his hand. He silently cries. 

"Do you think Savitar could wake him up? I mean, he controlled him as Alchemy, right?" He was so desperate. 

"He wouldn't want that." 

He comes closer to Julian, he needs him. He'll do anything. 

_iv. depression_

He doesn't do anything anymore. He can't. 

He barely eats, he survives on coffee and gum. He doesn't know what sleep is. It's taken a toll on his work, but what can he do? He doesn't realize that it's his birthday today. Instead of going straight to Julian's room, he heads to the hospital cafeteria. He buys a cookie, chocolate. 

He heads up to Julian's room and comes close to Julian. He stares at him closely, Julian's motionless. His face is expressionless, the other Julian was alive. So alive. That Julian showed his emotions, contrary to popular belief. But he only shows them to people he keeps close. That's when he cracks. 

He sobs, it hurts. "Please wake up," he sobs, "I can't do it alone." 

He takes out the cookie and wishes that Julian will never leave him. 

_v. acceptance_

Its been six months. 

Six months since that bastard crashed into Julian. 

Visiting Julian has become part of his schedule, if he doesn't complete it, he'll feel bad later. 

It has also been a particular bad day at work. Singh has been on his ass the whole day. He feels like crap. Not even the bright, sunny day could make him happier. He passes Jitters before going to visit Julian. 

When he enters the hallway, he watches a doctor run into Julian's room. He watches as they push Cisco out, he's running his hands through his hair. He sees Barry. "Bar," he chokes out. 

Not now. 

Please. 

He drops his bag and throws his coffee in the trash. He sprints over to Cisco. "No," he whispers. Some nurses and a doctor surround Julian. His stomach churns and it feels if he throws up, he'll throw up everything feels and he'll probably flush it down the toilet. 

He hates himself. 

He watches as the doctor step back and he lets out a sob. He's awake. 

Julian's eyes were open, revealing his soft, baby, blue eyes that sparkled with life. Barry walks over to the window and presses forehead to the glass. He smiles at him, trying to get him to notice him. He hears Cisco calling Caitlin and Iris and he could really care less. The doctor talks to Julian but he knows he's not listening. Julian stares at him, a smile on his face and tears flowing slowly down his face. He taps on the glass three times and Julian laughs at him. 

_I love you._

Once the nurses and doctors leave the room, he rushes in presses his forehead against Julian's. He peppers his skin with kisses and tears. Julian chuckles from underneath him and bites his lip. "Love you," Julian chokes out, his voice raspy from not using it for six months. 

He'd be lying if he didn't say it back. 


End file.
